Maybe I’m not that “happy” with it but for some reason, lately, I don’t think happiness is the goal anymore. The opposite of depressed isn’t “happy” so I don’t think it conflicts with my mental health philosophies.
I’m just really coming to realize that all the “if you build it; it will come.” in the world won’t erase a series of bad decisions and wrong turns. I have regrets. I don’t dwell on the regrets but I do acknowledge that those choices have lead me to where I am and pretending that’s not the case doesn’t make them less true.
What I want is no longer available to me. It’s not tragic. It is what it is. Like going to the store and seeing that they’ve discontinued your favorite product or if the store is closed. Do you stand in the parking lot and cry and wish that it would reopen? or do you figure out another way?
I need to figure out another way. It’s as simple as that. Now, what that way is? Not so simple.
