I wrote this 10 years ago after my first onstage anxiety attack. It’s old. Thought I’d share it.

love someone and mean it,

B.

your voice in the echo of nightmares/

comforts/ keeps fires burning/

heats hell/ like pain/in

hollowed halls/ remind me of home

home and happier nows/

steady/

the breath of lovers/

time and truth/

and heartbeats once consumed by/

passion/now passed on/acquainted

newly antiquated stares/ of

voices whispering

“so how are you”/

will ricochet/

feel nothing/

make this work/

prized consolations for a game/

i never permitted myself to play/

yet/i am losing horribly/i

want to disappear /

into halos/

into afros/

dread

lock outs/

bellies burning/

with anxious rumblings/

hearts burn

rekindled fires burn/

need to rest comfortably/

so through closed eyes/ i

burn in my memory/ there are

images of lips/ that spray words of

betrayal/

and love

pain and love

hurt and love

hell and love

help me to

love

come here and leave me to burn

trapped

within the rigid boxes of this

concrete jungle

dance

across broken bottles

bodies

lying on sidewalks

discarded yesterdays

regrets

invite bruises of painful memories

live

without past

without future

for now

just be beautiful without permission/

live

like poems written when strength was common/

poems written for yesterdays devoid of words/

that cut and heal

then cut to heal

forgive/forget

heal and hold familiar scents/

close to naked breasts and rotting stench

the truth

of life

love

right

what’s left

of now

no

of longing

go

of wait and knowing when

to face

or fuck

fists

and arms that hold and choke

to die and rot

and if not for love/then

for what?

for who?

for you/i ache

in blue

purple breath

dangling on the lonely edge of truth/

truth lodged in the pit of something/that

was once beautiful/ something

fluid and persistent/like

rivers run/like

slaves run/like

you ran from me/like

i ran from you/like

in my nightmares i run

instead of living/i run

mercury spilling over surfaces/

time inching towards forever/

i’m too afraid of dying too young

so i ration breath/

and i redirect heartbeat towards/

something that resembles living

cancerous/like

so many of my own contradictions

Dear Bloggers and Vloggers:

Thank you for you supporting The Siwe Project. If you would like to participate in our first annual No Shame Day on Monday, July 2nd, 2012, we encourage you to do what feels right and to share in a way that feels comfortable to you. Please include the following pertinent information: Who are you? What mental illness are you or your loved one living with? How were you or he/she diagnosed? What propels you to speak publicly about the illness? How are you or your loved one treating the illness (therapy, meds, support groups, exercise, etc) and what prompted you/them to seek treatment?

In the interest of uniformity and solidarity, please begin and end your stories with “My name is ____, and I have No Shame. Please close by encouraging your audience to visit www.thesiweproject.org to share their stories or to hear others’ accounts of their battles with mental illness and to check out @thesiweproject on twitter, hashtag #NoShame. We understand that some of you are not affected by this issue personally and are simply lending your voice in support. We thank you for sharing your words of encouragement in any way you choose and we ask that if you promote the event via twitter, that you also use the hashtag #NoShame.

Thank you again for your willingness to participate in this very important cause. We sincerely appreciate you. While you are free to say whatever you like in your stories, we would like to express that The Siwe Project will only promote those blogs/vlogs that are appropriate in content and context and that are consistent with our mission.

Finally, if you will be participating, please be sure to email Bassey Ikpi at b.ikpi@thesiweproject.org or  Atrice Williams at a.williams@thesiweproject.org to let us know when your blog posts on July 2nd.

Thank you again.
I am Bassey Ikpi, and I have No Shame.

The Siwe Project’s first annual No Shame Day will be held on July 2, the first Monday of National Minority Mental Health Month. We are asking people to publicly share their mental health journeys or speak as allies for loved ones in their lives.

The Siwe Project, a global non-profit dedicated to promoting mental health awareness throughout the international black community is launching a campaign that focuses on stigma reduction through storytelling and community building. Though The Siwe Project gears its efforts mainly toward people of African descent, we do realize that mental illness is an issue that affects EVERYONE and we hope that the first annual No Shame Day will be an opportunity for people of all nationalities, all around the world, to rally around mental health care. The Siwe Project website will host candid discussions about mental illness stigma, diagnoses, and treatment options. The purpose of No Shame Day is to encourage more people to seek treatment without shame.

Here’s where you come in: The Siwe Project believes that sharing stories not only fosters individual healing, but community transformation. The Siwe Project strategically uses new  safe spaces to share new stories. To that end, we’re looking for bloggers (with their own blogs) YouTubers and podcasters to share their personal experiences with mental health for No Shame Day to open the dialogue on a broader public scale. If you’re interested in blogging, video blogging or hosting a podcast about your or a loved ones mental health journey, please email Bassey Ikpi at b.ikpi@thesiweproject.org.

Bassey Ikpi,  the organization’s founder, has chronicled her illness for a variety of outlets such as Essence, The Huffington Post, XOJane.com and The Root. Please join her in keeping the conversation going by lending your voice to the cause. Let your readership know that when it comes to seeking help for mental health issues, there is No Shame.